We are currently looking to recruit an experienced toddler to join our team.
The ideal candidate will be a professional whinger, ideally with previous experience of planning and executing public tantrums. Fluent in the art of saying No, you are likely to have a proven track record of Food Refusal and Unhealthy Snack Manipulation. You will need to possess the strongest of wills and a fiery temper. Nap-takers need not apply.
- Delaying all excursions from the house by at least 30 minutes.
- Following assigned caregiver to the toilet. And watching.
- Demanding Peppa Pig on repeat.
- Regularly collapsing in a fit of unexplained rage.
- Asking for something and then changing your mind (then changing it back again).
- Managing the sleep cycle for the whole family (5am Parent Bed Invasions may be required).
Hours: Full time (distinction between night and day not always made).
Contract: Permanent. They can't fire you.
The Unmumsy Mum